Joke Time

[The_Sage]

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After
a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first
saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a
me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman:
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly
and a-lots of curly black hair?"

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask:
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly
and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here
lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a
my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no
lickety split!"

[UK5]

Little Johnny was sitting in school one day, and they were having a discussion about what their daddy's done at home.

Little Johnny was in the back of the classroom waving his hand waiting for the teacher to call on him, and of cousre she dreaded it because she knew how perverted Little Johnny was....

Well it comes Johnny's turn and the teacher says what is it Johnny, and he said my Daddy can eat light bulbs, and she said light bulbs........

Johnny said sure........"I heard Daddy tell mommy lastnight if she'd cut the light out......He would eat that thing."

[The_Sage]

This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive me
for I have sinned."
The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"
"I lusted," the fellow replied.
"Tell me about it," the priest said.
The fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a deliveryman
for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent
section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and
there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She
had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed
in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And,
she asked if I would like to come in."
"And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.
"Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I
lusted," replied the man.
"Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get
your reward in heaven, my son."
"A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?"
the fellow asked.
The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate,
you [censored]."